The Premarital Counselling: Session 2

This week we met Ps Nick and his wife Bianca for our 2nd Premarital Counselling.

Ps. Nick emphasised on Gen 2:24. Which states that Man have to leave his parents and be one with the wife.
One of the reasons for this is that, parents will surely take their own child's side if an argument were to arise from the married couple.

We were told that if either of us makes a mistake, it will be best to keep it from other family members. The reason for this is that, while arguments between husband and wife are quite common and most of the time it can be worked out by themselves, other family members might still hold a piece of memory or a grudge of the mistake the other party has made. This might change the family member's perception of the other party forever.

It's best to be living separate from our parents because when we quarrel, our parents would interfere and they will surely take the side of their own child.
We were used to going to our parents whenever there's problems. But after marriage we have to look to each other whenever problems arise.

We have to put our trust in each other and do not doubt, ask each other if unsure.
Trust is a very important factor, the woman can feel insecure easily, worry or suspecting that something is wrong. In the Bible, the devil in the form of a snake first came up to the woman Eve, made the woman unsure by planting a seed of doubt. It is from this seed of doubt that ultimately caused both Adam and Eve to fall into sin by consuming the forbidden fruit.
Therefore it is the duty of the husband to ease her mind by regularly assuring her that he loves her.

Both Agnes and me complained to Ps Nick and Bianca concerning this point.
My complaint was that Agnes likes to call me up, sometimes during work or when I'm driving and talk non-stop, sometimes important but most of the time it isn't. Being a woman she just has to reach her daily quota of 20,000 spoken words (http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/003420.html). However, by listening to her banter, I feel that there's a knot tied around my neck and its chocking me, making it hard to breathe and most of the time giving me a headache.

Agnes' complaint is that I never give her enough time to listen to what she says. Typical male-female argument.
The reason why it is so important for the husband to spend time listening to what the wife says is because by listening, it is assuring the woman that we care enough about what she does and what goes on in her day. Most of the time I give her a time limit to her calls, usually around 5 minutes then I'd say times up, making her fed up with me.

Ps. Nick and Bianca both had advise for us on this matter. It's something that we have to work out between the two of us, I had to spent more time to listen to Agnes to assure her that I care about her. While Agnes also has to find the appropriate time to share about what she has to say. During or just after work is not the best time for a deep conversation because there's alot of things going through the guy's mind and too much information overload will just cause the guy to blow up like Gunung Merapi (the volcano that just blew up). The wife have to be sensitive that the husband is in a relaxed mood before firing away her speech.

We were told that any disputes should be solved internally. Any disputes that arise, we have to solve it in the house. Either of us should not try to leave the house (staying over at friend or parents place) to avoid each other. We should solve a problem by bringing it together, reaching an agreement.

Best way to solve a dispute is by doing it Biblically.
Pray and ask God, what we should do.
The Holy Spirit is the best advisor we can ever have.
Do according to what God say and God will back you up.

Marriage is a vow: When we say our wedding vows "Till death do us part".
God takes this vow very seriously.
This getting married thing is a one way road with no turning back, I'm kinda feeling the pressure right now, lol.